What does it mean to meet the world with Coherence?
Coherence means having the ability to stay in your heart, and come from a place of observing as well as connecting to what is happening. We need this now more than ever in our world of lightning fast changes and chaos. Our nervous systems are constantly being challenged with fast moving new changes. Coherence is no longer a luxury. It is a necessity. Coherence is the way to a calm nervous system and clear mind while the world swirls around us. Coherence is the way through the tough stuff.
I teach couples how to stay with themselves while also having compassionate space for their partners, and how to communicate with curiosity and compassion rather than from fear and defensiveness. In the same way, this can be applied to all our relationships and circumstances, and to the fact that we are all connected as a collective. This is the art of developing presence and compassion, and living from the heart rather than the head.
This is not to say forget the head. We need our brain and our ability to creatively reason and think in order to live in our world. But like Ram Dass said, the mind is a very valuable tool, but a terrible master. This is a topic for another blog. So, for now, ask what is in your mind to hold on a minute, and begin to cultivate a relationship with your heart.
How does this process work?
Finding coherence begins with learning to pay more attention to your heart and body with curiosity and beginning to build trust in what you find there. The body is truthful. It really can’t lie, though sometimes we doubt our discernment. As we build a relationship with what we find in our body, we learn to navigate life from a place of truth, inner strength, and love. We can face the things that are scary with open arms rather than resisting, much like strong trees living through the elements of nature.
As Bessell Van der Kolk says, “The Body Keeps the Score.” He is correct, and it is through the body we find the pathway to truth, insight, and healing. Through the heart we access compassion and more consciousness or spaciousness, and freedom from our past and present experiences. We gain peaceful presence and confidence through building this relationship.
With all that is happening in the larger world and our individual lives, it may seem like a tall order to meet the fear, the confusion, the anger, the uncertainty, the restlessness, the grief, what ever pain is there, inside. It may seem like a strange and aversive request to meet yourself inside, and approach those challenging emotions with curiosity and an extended hand. One might instead think, “it will overwhelm me!” But, the most important witness in our experience of life is “I.” If I can’t see myself and welcome the emotions from my inner experiences, how can I possibly extend enough presence and compassion for anything or anyone external to me to really understand what they are going through? I am too busy managing my insides to be able to have clarity or compassion of what is happening outside my internal experiences, and most likely, there will be projection and stories that inform my responses. However, if I am able to greet these emotions at the door of my heart, and welcome them to express themselves, I witness my fears, and they feel seen. At this point, there is usually an emotional release and a sense of compassion for self and others, as sense of space for external experiences, more clarity and presence in general.
Once this part becomes a practice, taking on the external world seems more tangible and less frightening or stressful.
Some examples of how to begin:
Whether current events have left you feeling discombobulated and anxious, or whether your feelings stem from more historically established relational patterns or adverse events, the process of getting free from those is the same.
Some avenues to working with challenging emotions or feeling “jazzed up,” anxious, or on edge:
Gentle breath work such as yogic baby belly breathing or mindfulness breath that bathes the vagus nerve
Simple meditations such as Self Compassion Meditation or Heart Centered Breathing
Meditations that include accessing your larger or higher self so that there is space for approaching challenging emotions, such as fear or shame, without feeling overwhelmed. If you can work with approaching these emotions with softness and curiosity, these emotions often increase, then melt into some other energy that can be experienced as relief or as pleasant. For example, fear may turn to accessible active energy that can be turned into motivation and creative solutions.
A sample meditation:
Meditation for Stillness and Contacting Self or Consciousness
Sit comfortably with your feet on the floor or laying down comfortably.
Begin to notice your breath as it moves through your nostrils and down through your throat, lungs, and to your belly, and then following it back up and out of the body. Let your attention stay here, following your breath in, down, up, and out, for several cycles, allowing it to bathe your vagus nerve and calm your nervous system.
Bring your attention now, to the center of your chest. Imagine that you can breathe directly in and out of this center in your body. Imagine the breath coming directly into the center and going back out again, as an energy flow, as if your heart had lungs and was breathing the breath directly in and out of your belly.
Do your best to stay grounded during this process, and if you begin to feel ungrounded, bringing your attention to your feet or to your seat or tailbone, feeling your energy inside your feet, lower belly, or sacrum area.
As much as possible, do this meditation in the spirit of kindness and compassion for yourself. Bringing grace to whatever your experience is. Self compassion is a fundamental ingredient to the process.
As you breath in and out of your heart space, bring your attention to your throat, chest, diaphragm or solar plexus, and belly area of your body. Gently scan the core of your torso with your attention, noticing any sensations you may have there. Notice any tightness, any heaviness, or any sense of aliveness or flow. What do you notice as you become still? This may be very subtle. Can you open and soften with curiosity toward what you find? Waiting and continuing to breathe in and out of your heart or torso? These sensations can be subtle, so bring patience and curiosity, as you would if listening to a loved one in a time of need. Turn your loving awareness toward yourself and your body.
This is time you have set aside for yourself. For just these moments, nothing matters except the attention you are giving to yourself to be still, to be curious about yourself, and be present with yourself and what you find within.
If your attention wanders, that is okay. If you have trouble focusing, that is normal at first. Try your best to have patience and grace for yourself as this may be a new skill. Bring your attention back to your breath and its pathway through the nostrils, down the throat, lungs, solar-plexus and belly, and back out again. Then bringing your attention to the places where you feel sensations and becoming curious, or you can just focus on breathing directly in and out of your heart, softening and opening to what ever sensations you find there. The Heart is the center of our wisdom and consciousness. It is the place to go to find stillness and peace within.
